OR A FABULOUS DAY IN THE PARK AND OUR CHIPPY REOPENING AND PEEING UNDER TREES
I prepared for my outing with home made frappe with ice cream in a flask and a selection of fruit. Sun lotion, cap and eau de cologne for sterilizing my hands. Rucksack on my back I bounced through the near empty streets and soaked up the sun and silence.
Lucky lucky me. I walked through Soho and Mayfair in a twisty way (I wanted to take pics of pubs and tell everyone I had been on a pub-crawl, (cruel but satisfying as some people actually believed my story that some pubs had opened.)
Lovely old English pubs….
A bit of art…
Then a little stroll to Bond Street to look at Chanel’s new window.
“A nightingale sang in Berkley Square….”
Finally Hyde Park in all it’s magnificence.
Then I arrived at a sunny nearly empty Hyde Park. Now Hyde Park is large and has something for everyone. I like the wild grass section because it’s great for picnics in the summer and attracts butterflies.
However there is also a shady bit if you walk down to the Serpentine which is lovely in it’s own right and even has a lido for a good old swim. Then there’s the Italian Garden with its fountains and sculptures and lots of duckies. A bridge over the Serpentine has two art galleries and leads to the Princess Diana garden with its strange marble water course. Flower beds that at this time of year smells of sweet scented stocks amongst other perfumed flowers. There are strange gazebos, playing areas and all sorts of other things to calm the soul.
YOU SEE? NO PEOPLE!
TOP TIP (Make sure your phone isn’t recording while doing a tree wee) On the walk through the wild bit I looked around and saw no one, so I bobbed into the cow parsley under a tree for my first wee, a test one if you will. sadly I inadvertently to a video (not of my private parts I hasten to add) Clearly you could hear me shuffle around to squat then make a weird groaning noise as I realised the rucksack was pulling me backwards. Then a tinkle tinkle , then me getting up and saying “that’s better”.
Now I wouldn’t mention this but along with some pretty pictures I sent it to my son. He wrote back “that video is rather special”…..I worried I might have also sent it on Facebook….
Anyhoo, as I headed on to the Serpentine I came across a very pretty dell dappled with sun and saw a squirrel too. This was nice as I have been alone throughout this experience so I stopped to have a chat with it. It seemed very interested in what I was saying.
Then I went over the hill and there was the water. I found a bench right on the side where the swans were to have my icy frappe.
As you can see the place was nearly empty except for the elegant if vicious swans. I sat there in the sun lapping it all up until I realised I needed a wee. A wee under a tree as all the toilets were closed. so off I went and found a perfect one with low branches and plenty of cover so hastily did the deed pulling up my capri trousers pronto and scuttled out. Then all was well with the world again but that had created a niggling anxiety in my head. I had consumed a big flask of the iced coffee and really didn’t reckon that I was done with relieving my bladder so I thought “home time”. Eating my fruit I gave a bit to a beautiful glossy raven who obviously was not impressed by my offering and gave me the cold shoulder by pecking at tiny imaginary specks on the path.
Other birds had been giving me gip too. Single magpies kept flying past me, and as my family told me they were bad luck when alone, I had to salute them and say “Good morning sir.” to each one. With my now stiff, need a wee walk and saluting the sky shouting out “good morning sir” I certainly must have looked like the local loony. Obviously there was no plan B for a wee as all the pubs are closed.
I marched along the streets only seeing builders and even considering asking if they had any portaloos. In these times it’s not really the done thing though! As I got, now sweating, to Carnaby Street I saw public ones. Could they be open? Yes indeedy and super clean the world again was beautiful.
One last bit of wonder….
Getting back home I decided to go to the supermarket for some cold beer and much to my delight the local chippy had reopened!! The rest is a blurry happy haddock and chips feeding frenzy. Civilisation is returning.!!..
…I have to add they are the best chippy in central London……
