I wrote this from the flat in Tulum when I was still fragile from escaping the tyranny of the UK. I had a group of drunks and drug addicts who used to congregate opposite and they had scared me initially but gradually I just realised that I didn’t know what had dragged them down that path of misery. Who was I to judge? As long as I kept safe I should be more humble and try to be kind and not walk on the other side of the road. I had helped the homeless in London and one in particular had told me his tale of family abuse and mental health problems. His name is John boy and realistically these were all different versions of him. So I wrote this one afternoon as I started to regain my humanity again.

An English version of the Mexican problem here.

From my journal:

‘There’s no doubt that my scrambled brain is now actually working again. I’ve watched the guy from my window who scared me before. He’s a proper drunk and on my first day at my new place scared me. I went out and the first person I saw was this man staggering around and hawking up spit to the ground. Not a pretty sight but now I know him as the local drunk. Have them all over, but today coming back from Coba I watched him and saw that local people with expensive places were giving him small jobs to do. He is always rat arsed but it did not change their decency.They do not shy from him touching them and only complained moderately that he should do the job allotted. As I watched from my indulged castle I started to appreciate the different attitude here. This used to be ours. How mean hearted we have become.

I never meant to write this, but only think it, how low can we become. This man evidently had a history that we know nothing about? This man never wanted to sink so low. Harsh work when you are such a devastated human being? I’m being a bit of a princess I know but at least I can have empathy.

This leads me to the lack of it these days, or indeed, in last hours of the human race. Beware of your selfish thoughts now because they will be your downfall, find your strength or lose your civilisation. Fast forward to what I’ve been learning here. All over the Americas ancient civilisations were brutally snuffed out like candles by Europeans. Now we have forces that will do the same diabolically dreadful things.

The native Mexicans are still treated with contempt in some places by their Spanish blooded equivalents. The taller,lighter skinned Mexicans seem to still have the Conquistador mentality. Just an observation, and I’m sure a lot of people will disagree, but I’ve seen it all over now.

Please god let us be kind again and not these snarling beasts who have forgotten we are all brothers and sisters. Just saying.’

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I remember crying after writing this. Big hot angry tears and a lot of my stress flowed away with them. I felt me again after so many months. Again thankyou Mexico